Tomorrow will be the start of a new, and let's say ungainly, work schedule.
I put it off for as long as I could. But I knew it was most likely what I would have to do. Just not making enough with how it was.
So tomorrow and Sunday, I will work as a security guard from 6 am-6 pm, as I have been doing. But now on Monday and Tuesday, I will work from 11 pm- 6 am. Two long days followed by two overnights.
I am going to try to keep my bookstore job because I love it and it's the only thing that gets me out of the house. It's in downtown Tulsa, and I love walking around the neighborhood on my lunch break.
I love people-watching and being lost in crowds. Not that there are ever very many crowds in this city.
But I also love the bookstore. I love the vibe that people have there. So few people are in a bad mood when they are in a bookstore.
It's mostly tourists and people in town for business, just strolling through the arts district and stopping in. Or people on their way to or from dinner somewhere. Young parents with babies, couples on dates, and of course, the book lovers. They are wonderful. Coming in with their lists, but still exploring and browsing, searching for some unknown treasure. Stacking up books in a quiet corner, skimming and tasting and pondering each one.
And I have particular skills there. If we only have one copy of a book and it has been shelved in the wrong place, I am exceptionally good at finding it. I'm like Liam Neeson if Taken were a movie about an overzealous librarian.
And sure, a big part of my wanting to stay is that it is a sexy job. It's the job a guy would have in a Hallmark movie (except he would own it and it would be in a small town that looked like a Thomas Kincaide painting). And I like to flirt a little while I am there. Even if I were single, I don't think I'd ever ask anyone out. I am way too shy for that and am way too wary of making someone feel uncomfortable or creeped out. But sometimes people flirt with me. And even more rarely, sometimes I am aware that they are flirting. And then I flirt back a little. In my awkward, shy way. It's never very much. Just some prolonged eye contact and a lingering smile. The extended conversation about whatever writer or weather around us. But I enjoy it.
I love it there. I wasn't planning on writing about it like that. I was only trying to process the fact that to keep that job I will have a 1-5 chance each week that I will have to work there right before working all night or right after having worked all night.
That feels worth it. But as Big Daddy Jesus once said, the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.
We'll see how I tolerate it.
The truth be told, I'm not doing much else right now anyway. So I should have plenty of opportunities to catch up on sleep.
And I have discovered myself more productive during my guard shifts than on my days off. I have been listening to a lot of open-course college lectures, getting caught up on my reading, and occasionally even writing again. My hope is that if I can tolerate the-staying-up-all-night of it all, then I might be able to get my writing/editing career back on track. Or at least get myself back into the discipline of creativity.
If I get to write at work, then technically I am paid to write. I should take advantage of that.
And these extra hours might just possibly mean a new(er) car for me. We'll see.
I am nervous but excited. Like Alanis was in that One Hand in My Pocket song.
I don't know why we humans so often fear change.
Change is all we ever do.
8:05 a.m. - 2023-04-07
Recent entries:
An Entry to Prove I Still Exist - 2023-07-10
Sarah and Her Animal Companions - 2023-05-21
At the Bottom of the Staircase - 2023-04-30
Falling down a spiral staircase of the brain - 2023-04-27
- - 2023-04-13
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