Look, listen, here's the deal.
I smoke pot a lot. Got me some motherfucking pain issues. Plus, it makes movies better. And I already love movies. Also true with nature and sex and food.
So my tolerance is high. But somehow, holy shit, I am right now extremely high. It's a new strain from my favorite place. Just wow.
I feel irritating as fuck when I am this high. Because for a very long time I avoided all drugs and drink and often felt irritated by people buzzed beyond stupid. I don't if that's the level that I am at, but forgive me if I am.
Because Lord help me, I have found myself writing instead of masturbating or watching Star Wars like I should be doing in this state.
I am a person of worry. A heritage I inherited from my mother who learned it from her mom who was a depression era farmer in New Mexico where nothing really grows.
I worry about how much I worry. In fact, I worry about that an awful lot.
What's so wonderful about this here future that we live in, so full of science and information, is that we now have a pretty good idea about what stress does to a body over time.
Alan Watts said the following:
"A person who thinks all the time has nothing to think about except thoughts.
So, he loses touch with reality, and lives in a world of illusions. By thoughts, I mean specifically, chatter in the skull. Perpetual and compulsive repetition of words, of reckoning and calculating."
Can you imagine a world without constant thinking?
Do you experience that or is it just me?
What's crazy is that my world as of late is increasingly more and more quiet, more and more solitary.
But my thoughts are so incredibly loud. So constant. I feel so crowded.
I keep writing a lot and then deleting it. I'd guess I've written over two thousand words. And it's not that it doesn't make sense, it's just all so much.
Which is what this whole entry has been trying to say. Minus the part about the weed. But that's probably related too.
1:56 p.m. - 2023-04-13
Recent entries:
Lucia Sophia Isabella: Wonder Cat - 2023-07-18
An Entry to Prove I Still Exist - 2023-07-10
Sarah and Her Animal Companions - 2023-05-21
At the Bottom of the Staircase - 2023-04-30
Falling down a spiral staircase of the brain - 2023-04-27
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