I wasn't planning on writing anything. I thought I'd just swing by and see what all of you have been up to lately.
But here I am, typing anyway.
Probably won't be a long entry (and all the readers say amen).
I am taking a break from cannabis this week. I thought about going 40 days without, given that today is the beginning of Lent and all.
But tonight, as I lay on my bed in sheer painful agony, I am reminded why I took to THC in the first place.
I don't feel like I talk about my pain or health issues a lot. But maybe I do. Maybe I never shut up about them. It's hard to separate my thoughts from my spoken words sometimes. But these days I rarely see people or talk to anyone on the phone or whatever. And when I do, it seems we both prefer to let them do all the talking. Fine by me. Mostly. Not today, perhaps, but mostly.
My body is breaking down. My genetics marked me as someone whose body would attack him. A sort of civil war within my cells. Genetic, autoimmune, degenerative, blah blah blah.
A woman I am maybe still in love with is dating someone new. Her Instagram stories are awful but hypnotic. I can't turn away from them.
I took a first aid training class yesterday and when we covered the bits about what to do if someone is having a seizure, I started having flashbacks of my first love Emily, who died from epilepsy. I haven't stopped seeing her face since. But only her face when she was having seizures. Last night, I dreamed about her funeral.
My girlfriend's cactus died today. A squirrel ate out the insides of it. Tore up the roots.
When she told me about it this evening. I started crying. She thinks she can save it. Though I am skeptical, I hope she can. What a wonderful thing, to bring something back from the dead.
Tonight's sunset was eerie. That strange yellow glow we tend to see with tornados. But no storms around. Everything is quiet and peaceful.
There is so little in life that I am sure of.
It makes me so grateful for the presence of beauty in all things.
Beautiful death. Beautiful birth. Beautiful love and heartbreak and everything in between. What a truly beautiful life we happen to be living.
7:17 p.m. - 2023-02-22
Recent entries:
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The side effects of thawing. - 2023-03-16
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