The thing I am trying to remember here is that my loneliness is just a season and not a life sentence.
The question then is not "will I ever be free of this pain?" but "what can I be learning from this experience while it lasts?"
I don't have an answer for that, I don't yet know what I can learn from this experience. But that doesn't really matter.
What matters is that this is temporary. We always feel that our future will be just like our present, that whatever emotional state we happen to be in right now is the one that we've always been in and always will be in. It's just how our brain works.
But this is not how I have always been. It is not how I will always be.
I am just in a season of loneliness. I am just wearing this depression like a winter coat.
And whether I am going through this season for a purpose (given by some god or energy of the universe) or if there is just some purpose that can be found in everything, there is something that I can be learning during this time. There is a way that I can be bettering myself.
In fact, there are probably several ways I can be bettering myself.
So I am trying my best to stop worrying about why I'm single and whether or not I am attractive and learning to focus on being present and enjoying and accepting what I have and where I am now.
My old youth pastor used to say that a good relationship was not one where each lover was focused on the other, but rather when both lovers where focused on the same goal and taking that journey together.
So I am going to focus on my journey and work towards my destination. That's where I will find the perfect person to walk with me.
All in good time.
8:20 p.m. - 2014-11-23
Recent entries:
Fuck. - 2014-12-15
There is an I in Diaryland, but it's the U that matters - 2014-12-12
Not much of anything - 2014-12-10
A brief distraction - 2014-12-07
A Conversation with a Little Old Lady - 2014-12-05
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