In a few weeks I will be 34 years old.
That's statistically just six years away from the half-way point of my life.
And yet, I still don't know how to function in social situations.
I still don't know how to talk to girls, let alone seduce them.
I still can't handle rejection. At all.
And I still can't stop being so fucking sensitive.
Tonight I went out. My boss has been begging me for sometime, but I have been too busy with school. She promised she'd buy me drinks and fix me up with her friends and we would have an amazing time.
My anxiety has been abnormally over the weekend, but I promised I'd go, so I got myself all gussied up and went. I tried to psych myself up the whole time.
This is going to be fun.
This is going to be fun.
This is going to be fun.
When I arrived, my boss and her friend were talking at the bar. They looked up, said hello, and then immediately resumed their conversation.
I sat down next to them, thinking they would finish up soon and acknowledge me.
They didn't.
I sat and drank a glass of whiskey while the ladies talked with their backs to me.
Feeling ignored, I took a table by myself.
About ten minutes later, I saw them sit down at a different table.
Five minutes later, my boss came over and asked if I wanted to sit with them.
I declined. Finished my drink. And left.
I am probably being overly sensitive.
I am probably again just the victim of my own anxiety.
But it is better to be alone than ignored.
Which is why I am now back home alone.
I wish my mind had an off switch.
Well, it does...
I wish that off switch weren't so permanent.
If this is the rest of my life, than I really, really hope I am already past the half-way point.
10:52 p.m. - 2014-12-15
Recent entries:
La Vie Est Belle - 2015-01-14
Newness - 2015-01-05
New Year - 2014-12-31
A Better Word - 2014-12-20
Another pledge to change - 2014-12-18
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