i have tried more than a few times to write about the current romantic relationship that i am involved in, all to no avail thus far.
i am really not sure what i think about it.
part of me thinks that the only reason that i am involved with this woman is because i feel guilty for making out with her, and thus feel the need to continue a relationship.
the rest of me disagrees, arguing that i am actually with her because she is aggressive in her pursuit of me, and i cant say no very well.
whatever the reason, i am here in a relationship.
talking on the phone for at least four hours a week.
and i am still not sure what to do.
still not sure what i want to do.
the thing is, i like her.
(at least i think i do.)
and i surprisingly like talking on the phone with her
(but it could just be that i am lonely, and prefer a long distance relationship-and its four hours a week-to a home town romance which would require much more time.)
i almost deleted this entry again.
i dont think that i am writing honestly here.
could it be that i only wish this relationship were sour so that i could have something to write about?
is it true that i subliminally sabotage my relationships, knowing inwardly that i prefer to be alone?
i do know that i talk and write about this relationship less than any other one that i have been involved in.
this is actually the first time that i have mentioned it.
(minus the entry about when we made out. see "first kiss" in the archives.)
so maybe this thing has some substance to it.
maybe i am just growing up.
myabe a good relationship equals boring diary entry, and thus i try to find other things to mention.
who knows?
not me.
1:11 p.m. - 2004-07-11
Recent entries:
Awake in My Tiny Cage - 2014-11-03
God. - 2014-10-27
I remember me. - 2014-10-17
The Paper - 2014-10-13
A Post About Not Doing Anything - 2014-10-12
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