I am in a dark room in a Dallas suburb.
I am here because someone that loves Jesus (and likely also is in love with me) bought me a car.
I know I sound ungrateful when I complain about it, but right now it's just a big, pretty grey, paperweight.
I was given a car at a time when I literally have no money. And had to fly out to Dallas to get it, and this is kind of an impossible city to be in without a car. So I drove around, mostly to parks and nature hikes, until I ran out of gas. And now it just sits there.
I have five dollars to my name. I want to spend that on food, but will likely have to spend it on gas so that I can get to the new place where I am staying tonight. Meaning that I am once again going hungry for a few days. Someone is taking me out to dinner on Friday, so at least I'll be able to eat then.
The good news is that once I get the title and registration (and gas money somehow), I'll be able to drive for Lyft or one of those food delivery apps. I will be able to make enough money to not only eat, but to get out of Texas (I am very stranded here. Luckily I have friends to stay with).
The bad news is that it is taking forever to get that title and registration taken care of. I have been here a week, but still nothing. Because this car was a "gift," I am not really sure why it is taking so long or even what needs to be done. I just have to wait. Waiting is harder when you're hungry.
But that's not the real news. That's not what I am on here to write about.
A few weeks ago, a new friend that I met in New Orleans reached out to me and said that her friend was struggling with a crisis of faith and considering leaving the church. She thought I might be a good resource.
I was honored by that. It's really where my heart is these days. I love helping people deconstruct and work through all of the God stuff. I am not trying to deconvert people either. I just want to help them work through what they are working through and end up wherever they end up, just healthier and happier and etc.
Well, this person reached out and we had a wonderful and vulnerable and meaningful conversation through text. She cried some. I teared up a little myself. I was impressed by how strong she was, how honest and articulate. I loved her sense of humor too.
So the next day, when she texted me just to ask questions about me and who I was, it did not take long for us to start flirting.
And that worried me at first because I didn't want to use her vulnerability as a platform to get laid, so I kept pulling back. But she kept moving forward. All this time, I had no idea what this person looked like. All I knew was that she was roughly the same age as me. But throughout the day, as I explored all the touristy bits of Chicago, we just kept flirting. And I realized I was into her. I also discovered that she knew what I looked like because she facebook stalked me before we met. I had tried to find her, but she doesn't use her real name on social media. I was attracted to this person that I could not see. I liked that it didn't matter what she looked like, but I'll admit I was a bit nervous. And then she sent a picture.
Goddamn. She is beautiful. I mean, jaw-droppingly stunning.
Over the next few days we pretty much texted all the time. Then we moved into talking on the phone. Always this combination of flirting, joking around, and really baring our souls.
And the next thing I know she is my girlfriend.
For the first time in five years, I have a girlfriend. A loving, kind, intelligent, fun, hilarious, incredibly sexy girlfriend.
That I have never met in person. That lives in Florida. While I am stranded in Texas.
All things in their time. I can't wait to meet her.
8:51 a.m. - 2018-10-24
Recent entries:
I am so lost right now. - 2018-12-12
brain full of static. - 2018-11-29
I don't know. I don't know. - 2018-11-16
An attempt to write. - 2018-11-14
Texas - 2018-11-08
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