I woke up on Sunday morning at around 2:30 with some intense stomach and chest pain, shortness of breath, lightheadedness, and vomiting.
I work at a coffee shop and was scheduled to open that day at 5:45, so I knew there was no one I could call to cover my shift for me at that hour.
So I got dressed and went to work. My boss found me waiting by the door, doubled over in pain, wheezing uncontrollably.
She found someone to work for me, so I only had to be there about an hour.
Having no insurance, and having lost both my job and my apartment this last week, made me wary about a hospital bill. I was just going to go home and ignore it, but the chest pain was really bad.
So I called the hospital, told them my symptoms and they told me to immediately call 911. Don't drive here, they said. You need an ambulance.
So I drove to the ER. Because fuck ambulances.
I got there around 7 and was immediately swarmed with doctors and nurses. They decided to keep me overnight.
Ultimately, it turns out I have rapid atrial fibrillation. An irregular heartbeat that only gets triggered during times of intense stress.
All things considered, not a bad diagnosis. I only have to take pills as needed and now know what's happening when I get all lightheaded and dizzy (which happens a lot).
And the hospital food was amazing. Since I am already about to be homeless, I thought, fuck it, might as well go to the white people hospital instead of the free clinic ER that I normally go to. And everything was so clean and nice, it was incredible.
I was given a menu and could order anything I wanted. It was the first time I had a nutritious meal in a while. I know the experience will cost me about the same as my college education, but it was nice to actually get proper attention for a change.
The downside is that while there I caught this brutal cold and have been stuck in bed since yesterday morning.
Which makes me think that I am not at rock bottom yet.
It could still get worse. There can be more suffering to come.
But on the other side of things, a lot of people are reaching out to me and offering to take care of me and that is really weird but wonderful.
Things are going to be okay. Maybe even better than okay. I just have to keep falling and prepare for the bounce back to the top.
3:39 p.m. - 2017-12-05
Recent entries:
Getting Ready - 2017-12-22
My Monday Night - 2017-12-18
What the Fuck Am I Thinking? - 2017-12-15
What the Fuck Am I Thinking? - 2017-12-15
Stepping Out - 2017-12-08
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