I have been feeling very stressed out about my lack of money and opportunity to gain money lately. It sits like a weight on my chest.
This weekend in Denver contains a lot of opportunities for fun and socialization and really everything that I feel has been lacking in my life as of late.
It is pride weekend, which while I am (mostly) straight, is still a great time. I have a lot of queer friends and enjoy supporting and celebrating life with them. Especially in light of everything that has happened recently.
It is also the weekend of Denver Comic Con, which really does feel like my pride weekend. It is a place where I feel like I belong. A celebration of nerdery: where outcasts join together to celebrate themselves.
And tonight my all-time favorite musician, David Bazan, is playing a concert here in town. He has had very similar experiences to mine. He is a pastor's kid who turned Christian rockstar who then started questioning things. His albums are always earnest and deep and almost always meet me exactly where I am in my own existential journey. His concerts are always incredibly life-affirming. Plus, I have several friends who I never get to see that will be at this show.
But all of these things cost money and I barely make enough to get by.I can't afford to do anything fun. Sometimes I can barely afford to eat.
So I was feeling despondent yesterday. I tried to meditate, but broke down in tears. I am just so tired of barely surviving and being limited in my social life.
But through my tears as I meditated,I kept focusing on how life is abundant and how all my needs will be met.
I didn't really believe it, but I kept saying it.
I am in abundance. I have everything I need. I am content as I am.
I concentrated on attracting what I need into my life. I focused in on this weekend and everything I wanted to do.
Oddly enough, it worked.
Not only did someone buy me a ticket for Comic Con (with an extra ten bucks for a beer or merch purchase), someone else bought me a ticket to see David Bazan, and my mom randomly sent me a hundred dollars for the whole purpose of me doing something fun.
This all happened in a single day without me asking for anything.
Maybe there is something to the law of attraction or whatever you call it.
Which is why I am continuing the practice today.
But this morning I focused in on emotional abundance.
I am not alone. I am connected to everyone and everything. I am desirable and attractive. I have everything I need within me to find sex and love and human connection.
I am finishing up my school stuff now and then will head out to enjoy pride today, David Bazan tonight, and Comic Con tomorrow.
I don't know what will happen, but I am doing my best to stay present and mindful of how abundant this life really is.
I will give updates.
10:46 a.m. - 2016-06-18
Recent entries:
I just don't know - 2016-07-21
Bookish - 2016-07-13
bleh - 2016-07-12
Stewardship - 2016-06-24
Didn't Even Have to Use My AK - 2016-06-19
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