Yesterday I sat for hours looking at my computer.
Just looking at it.
The blank page.
The flashing cursor.
The ticking clock.
I was incredibly blocked on this paper I was writing.
And increasingly stressed out about it. There is a lot to do and not a lot of time to do it.
But my mind was mud. Nothing was coming out of it. And this is a paper that already has an incredibly detailed outline and six pages already written. I know exactly where it needs to go, but I still couldn't think of any words to use.
So I stopped.
I took a small hit of marijuana, grabbed my favorite collection of Pablo Neruda, and took a walk to the park.
It was a perfect day out. I stretched out on the grass and felt the sun cascade my face.
I read the beautiful way that Neruda loves.
I meditated and just focused on my breathing.
Stress would come in and I could feel my shoulders tense up until I was able to focus again on my breathing and release it.
I decided I would stay outdoors until I relaxed.
I was out for almost four hours.
Walking through the park, then walking through the city.
I got ice cream.
I spent some time talking to a homeless guy.
I just wandered around.
When I got home I turned my phone off and never opened my computer.
Instead a picked up a collection of Sherlock Holmes stories and read until I fell asleep.
Then I allowed myself to sleep until I woke up. Which was about twenty minutes ago or so.
This all has seemingly put me behind. But I don't think it really has.
The mind needs rest if it is to work right.
And I have been so stressed and depressed and lonely and anxious that my mind has been working over time.
So I took my brain on a date.
And now, together, my brain and I are going back to work.
7:38 a.m. - 2016-04-07
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