my friend cindy thinks that its because i am an aquariaus that i am constantly in thought.
(i just forgot how to spell 'constantly'. i seriously had to look it up.)
well, cindy probably doesnt think that but i just wanted to mention her and our mutual love for astrology in an entry.
here is to you cindy. (glasses clinking)
so now, back to the first sentence. here is the thought (or idea, or theme of ideas) that is constantly on my head now:
i have been really hung up on the idea of sex.
yes, yes, i know i am a guy and thats "all you ever think about."
but these are different thoughts than
"how am i going to get sex?"
and
"wouldnt it be cool to have sex with her?"
i am seriously confused by the whole of its existence.
sex, it seems, is a vast power. something that controls so much of our everyday lives. (the way we dress, the things we buy, the actions we take, etc.) but why?
whats so important about it?
sure, there is the evolutionary/divine instinct to reproduce.
but surely, if it was just about furthering the human race, it wouldnt remain such a mind entangling mystery.
i think that in the end, with all thoughts like this one, so vast and encompassing, i just want to know where it fits within my own experience.
i want to know what i think about sex and what is the right way for me to respond to it.
i had a diaryland conversation via notes the other day with my friend laura. she was upset about something i wrote that indicated that men were nothing but mammals and that there was no spirituality or art or culture when it comes to the subject matter at hand.
i wrote back and said that it was true. men are nothing but horny little monkeys.
but, of course, thats not right. is it?
i really dont know.
i know that repressing and denying and ignoring is not a solution.
i know that sleeping with everything (ala freddy mercury) is probably not much better (i've never tried. well, i might have tried. just unsuccesfully)
what i think would help me is simply more conversations.
no one ever seems to talk about sex, at least not in an abstract big picture kind of way,
and i think that we should.
but at this point i cant really tell you why we should or what would come of it.
in the process of writing this my mind has become even more lost inside my labyrinth of thought.
10:44 a.m. - 2005-11-26
Recent entries:
Awake in My Tiny Cage - 2014-11-03
God. - 2014-10-27
I remember me. - 2014-10-17
The Paper - 2014-10-13
A Post About Not Doing Anything - 2014-10-12
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