i was all prepared to write this stupid entry today about how the people at my work are stupid, but then i read my good buddy zak's diary and my mind started working in an entirely different direction.
i miss having friends.
i have been a transient for so long that the all of my close relationships have become just occasional phone calls.
and the new people i meet, they just dont, they are just not...
i am just not...
i dont know.
today i wish i was in lubbock. going for a walk, watching a movie, just listening. just being a friend.
many times i wish i was still in carlsbad. taking my friend away from his crappy family situation and providing him with at least some kind of diversion until a real solution is solved.
i want to go out today, and it doesnt really matter what i do, but i am so tired of doing it alone.
doing everything alone.
makes me wonder what i am doing in colorado.
why i moved here.
i mean, i left dallas right when i was begginning to make some good friendships.
its like i am afraid of being close with people.
this fear, i think, makes up alot of who i am.
so much, in fact, that i often feel like i am faking life just to protect myself from all these unkown uncertainties.
i keep moving to different places, looking for different results, when all the while i keep doing the same things.
i wonder if i will ever change, as i creep back into the shadows of isolation.
9:53 a.m. - 2004-03-25
Recent entries:
Awake in My Tiny Cage - 2014-11-03
God. - 2014-10-27
I remember me. - 2014-10-17
The Paper - 2014-10-13
A Post About Not Doing Anything - 2014-10-12
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