i am sitting at the library using the computer (for i dont have one of my own) and just moments ago, the most beautfiul brunette was not even five feet away from me perousing the psychology section.
i would have began a conversation with her if it wasnt for the fact that i need at least an hour to build my confidence up enough to talk to a female and she didnt even give me two minutes.
i feel older now than i ever have before.
i know that is not that unreasonable of a statement being that i am, in fact, older than i ever was before.
but there is something different about my mentality and my spirit, something more mature.
i dont think its because of my recent birthday, as much as it is my more recent experiences.
experiences i am not allowed to specifically mention out of a desire to protect parties involved and because of a sinking suspicion that my mother still reads this diary.
however, it doesnt really matter. the specifics are not entirely whats important.
what is important is that i have stepped outside of the paint-by-numbers existence that i have previously thought to be the right way to live, and have learned that much of a well lived life exists in the making of mistakes and failed attempts at granduer.
as a kid, i used to climb up to the top of the slide and then chicken out.
it was just too high; too scary.
sometimes i would go down the slide, but hold on to the side to slow myself down.
that would burn my hands and make me very bitter of the whole slide experience.
but the times that i actually let go and allowed gravity to take its hold, i was so enthralled that i ran to a bigger slide.
now, as an adult, i have finally learned to let go of the sides and enjoy the slide for what its worth.
12:47 p.m. - 2004-01-26
Recent entries:
Awake in My Tiny Cage - 2014-11-03
God. - 2014-10-27
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