at the suggestion of the one friend i have at my church i went to this party-type-thing last night.
it was actually a drum circle, art, poetry thing.
which normally i would enjoy greatly.
but i didnt last night because i didnt know any of these people and my one friend never showed up.
i am far to insecure and self concious
i kept to myself most of the time looking at this candle that was drowning itself in wax.
after an hour or so, the church cool guy, who had been reading the most magnificant poetry and painting the most wonderful art, said to me
"we dont hang out much"
"i know" i replied "this is the first time you have ever talked to me"
"shut up"
"no, its true"
"it cant be"
"it is"
"well, what do you do for hobbies?"
"i write some"
"yeah? lets hear some of your stuff"
i recited the only poem i had memorized, hoping to pace it just right, wanting this to be the key to finally being accepted by these people.
i said it perfectly
i looked up, and waited to hear the acclomades from the crowd
they, with open mouths and pale faces, were clearing looking for something nice to say.
then someone changed the subject.
they didnt get my peotry
i looked back at the candle
it had died
i almost envied it.
i dont think i will be going to the next of their little parties.
2:31 p.m. - 2003-04-22
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