Waking up from a season of depression is always a little strange and off-putting.
How long was I out for? Is what I am feeling now real or just another delusional bit of denial?
I really only noticed that I was down for like a week, maybe two.
But when I have confess to my friends that I have been feeling a little down, they all say "yeah, no shit."
So I guess I've been down for a while.
And honestly, I have depressed for such a huge chunk of my life that it is kind of hard to notice.
It's just the normal in and out of daily life.
But I was almost to the surface maybe.
I could have sworn I saw some daylight above these murky depths where I live.
And maybe I just lost consciousness for a while. Maybe I am ready to start swimming up towards the open air again.
I don't know.
Right now, it feels like I'll never fully be free of my depression.
That I can fight it off, but it will keep it's claws in me and will eventually take me down for good.
And that makes me feel very tired.
But I have also been listening to Mooji and Alan Watts and reading about The Buddha. And I think I get what my friend Kira was saying about death of ego and identity.
And maybe I am ready for that. Or at least ready to start getting ready for that.
I am desperate for a change.
8:46 p.m. - 2017-05-27
Recent entries:
Honor the Sacred - 2017-06-28
An odd sort of reflection - 2017-06-26
New Writing Desk. - 2017-06-25
I am finally starting to understand the things I have long proclaimed - 2017-06-16
Sorry. It's another suicide post. - 2017-06-11
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