I need to learn how to be lonely better.
I am good at being alone. I prefer it usually.
I am not as good at being with people, but am really getting better at it.
But these days like today, when I don't want to be around people as much as I want to be around a person—a person that loves and gets me and likes seeing me naked—that's when I suffer.
And I know that loneliness is a kind of suffering, so I shouldn't be surprised that I suffer when experiencing it, but I want to channel that suffering into something more beneficial.
All pain should be art.
But today's pain isn't. Not yet anyway.
It's just a burning in my side.
It's just an absence.
It's a nostalgia for something I've never had.
I want a partner. A confidante. An anchor. A co-dreamer.
And it hurts to not have that.
I am okay with the fact that it hurts. It should hurt.
I just don't like meaningless pain.
And I don't know what to do.
So I will just feel this sorrow to the best of my ability.
And make note to remember the feeling when things finally become good.
1:37 p.m. - 2015-08-23
Recent entries:
Why I Will Probably Write on Here More - 2015-10-05
Parenthood - 2015-10-01
Little stabby feelings in my stomach - 2015-09-28
The Ghost of Emily - 2015-09-23
Maybe we are all just selfish assholes - 2015-09-18
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