I don't have to be awake for another hour
but yet I have already been awake for two.
It's the new jobs. A small thing, really. They carry with them no high profile or even all that much responsibility. There are countless Teacher's Assistants in the world. I doubt that they all feel this important. I feel like I am probably in the minority in that regard.
But the jobs do feel important. They are important to me.
Being a TA and a "supplemental instruction leader"–basically a combo of TA and Tutor—are not big jobs. But they are the first jobs I've had since I left the ministry that actually recognize and utilize my talents and abilities.
What I am feeling is more than validation. It is the feeling that comes after spending forever on a frustrating level of a video game and finally making it to the next level.
It is the feeling of an unlocked door.
It is my first opportunity to do that which I've been desiring to do for years.
It's nerve wracking and exciting. I want to do well at it. No, I want to fucking excel at it.
And that's why I woke up at 4 this morning when I didn't have to wake up until 7.
Because my mind keeps thinking about how I am going to conduct my study sessions and how I will be able to make an impact on a bunch of fairly uninterested college freshmen,
I might burn myself out like this, but right now I am very much enjoying the warmth and glow of the fire.
6:12 a.m. - 2015-08-19
Recent entries:
Parenthood - 2015-10-01
Little stabby feelings in my stomach - 2015-09-28
The Ghost of Emily - 2015-09-23
Maybe we are all just selfish assholes - 2015-09-18
Lonely - 2015-08-23
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