I turned down sex last night.
Not just any sex, but a no-strings-attached-regular-hook-up sort of thing.
It came out of nowhere, really.
I posted this Nora Ephron quote that I like on Facebook. The one that says:
"In my sex fantasy, no one ever loves me for my mind"
Someone responded that they disagreed, that they loved being considered sexy for their intellect.
And I was like, you're missing the point. I like being liked because I am smart too, but sometimes you just want to be wanted for your looks. I want my body to be wanted.
I want someone to see me from across the room and think, "Damn, I want to fuck him"
So I express that sentiment in a shorter sentence and just a few minutes later, I got a message from my friend Sophie.
She is a colleague of mine. We had our senior seminar together. She is super smart and a hell of a historian.
Not exactly what I'd consider "my type" physically, but still cute.
She asked how I would feel about a non-attached sexual arrangement. Friends with benefits and all that.
She told me that she had wanted me since she met me, but is in no position to have any kind of romantic entanglement.
I was sorely tempted.
I mean all I ever do on here is complain about how lonely I am.
But the more I thought about it, the more uneasy I felt.
I can't do another just sex thing.
I want to be a boyfriend, god damn it. I want to be in love.
These sex arrangements almost always turn out just awful. One of us always gets attached and then it gets all messy and hurtful.
I want a real solid connection.
So I turned down the thing that guys are apparently supposed to want above all else.
I turned it down because I want the thing that girls are supposed to be after.
So I guess gender stereotypes can go fuck themselves.
I want something real and that's worth waiting for.
Though I would strangely be down for a one night stand with a stranger, I just can't do that faux dating hook-up thing.
I don't know if that says anything about me or not.
10:32 p.m. - 2016-10-04
Recent entries:
I can't think of a clever title. - 2016-11-01
The Sufferers - 2016-10-24
My thoughts today. - 2016-10-17
It's a start. - 2016-10-13
So done. - 2016-10-08
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