i have written about my relationship (if you can call it that)with God on here a lot.
but not alot recently.
its still this up and down,
round and round
never ending cycle of faith and doubt
love and resent
sin and sin with guilt and repentence
sometimes, like today, i can feel God call me back to him.
i sense his presence so strongly and i feel my spirit (emotions?) responding with an eagerness to return to intimacy
i also am aware that my intellect (rebellion?) is fighting these feelings.
i bring up the past to myself.
"you dont want to be legalistic, or off the wall super-spiritual anymore"
"you dont want to feel as lost and alone as you were when your faith dissapeared anymore either"
"just stay where you are. your comfortable here. your not really sinning or denying Jesus, your just not really doing anything to pursue him."
God, i really dont know what i want.
i really dont know if what i want matters.
i really dont know anything at all.
4:29 p.m. - 2003-06-27
Recent entries:
Awake in My Tiny Cage - 2014-11-03
God. - 2014-10-27
I remember me. - 2014-10-17
The Paper - 2014-10-13
A Post About Not Doing Anything - 2014-10-12
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