On Friday night I had tea with my friend Heather who is working on becoming a sex therapist and educator. She mentioned that there was some sex convention in town that she had just heard about. She said she wanted to go, but her girlfriend had preferred a quiet night in.
It sounded interesting to me, so yesterday I decided to go.
It turns out that this was the Exxxotica Expo. It was more of a porn convention than anything else. There were strippers pole-dancing throughout the exhibition hall. Camgirls doing live feeds, next to a makeshift dungeon where willing volunteers can be flogged by professionals. There were wet t-shirt contests and seminars on sex positions and how to eat pussy better.
And there were a lot of porn stars. Big names. Ron Jeremy was there and pretty much any female porn star you could think of. Just hanging out. It was surreal. It was a total sensory overload. A glitch in the ticketing process caused me to accidentally get VIP access, so I got to go to the special lounge and the afterparty.
Of all the porn stars there that I recognized, there was only one that I was actually excited to see. Her name is Stoya.
If you don't know who Stoya is, she's this ultra feminist sex activist, that writes and does seminars on sex education and consent. We even talked about her in my women's studies class. And to the degree that I have a "type" she embodies it. She is just beautiful.
And I met her. She was at a table signing autographs and no one was around at the time. I walked up and told her that I was a big fan of the activist work she does and how she is really just awesome and impressive. I also told her that I was high as shit and bashful.
She told me that she was also quite high and to make me feel better told me how she once met Terry Gilliam and awkwardly asked if she could poke him with her finger.
We laughed and talked about Monty Python and our favorite Terry Gilliam films. As I walked away, I could swear she blushed a little.
later in the day, Stoya held a workshop about how to talk about sex. So I go. And I'm in like the front row, and it's supposed to be interactive, but no one is talking. Everyone is quiet and shy. Then this middle-aged woman breaks the ice and asks, "why are we all so afraid to talk about sex?" And I find myself responding.
And friends, I killed it. I briefly told my story and talked a little about sexual shame and the importance for men to be able to talk to each other about the emotional and deeper components of our sexuality. People totally responded to it and added their own thoughts. Stoya smiled big.
A few minutes later, someone raises their hand and says "I'd like to ask the pastor's kid a question"
It took me by surprise because I was high and wasn't expecting to have anyone ask me anything. She asked about what lessons I have learned about sex since leaving the church.
And I kill it again. I talked about how the church led me to believe that women didn't enjoy sex, but would do it for intimacy or for the sake of the relationship. While men are always portrayed as these out-of-control animals. I talked about the value of female pleasure and good communication. The room was a great audience. They laughed at my jokes, they made appreciative noises at certain points I made. It felt wonderful. People even stood in line to talk to me after the workshop was over. And we had deep conversations about God and BDSM simultaneously.
I walk around for a bit, just feeling great and taking in the glossy fakeness and commodified sexuality, while relishing having real conversation about sexuality in the midst of it. There were different levels of sexual maturity there. Some people just wanted to see some tits, but others were truly looking for ways to be adventurous and uninhibited, and others still were seeking a more spiritual and authentic physical connection. And everyone seems to have found what they were looking for.
As I was ruminating on these things, I ran into Stoya! She lit up when she saw me and tells me how much she loved what I had to say. And how it helped the whole room be more comfortable in talking.
It turns out she was homeschooled just like me. And her dad was a pastor for a bit. We instantly delved into deep conversation about God and Foucault and social anxiety.
We talked for like ten minutes until she noticed a line had formed behind me.
So I say goodbye, but look her in the eye and shake her hand and say "I'm Ryan, it is such a pleasure to meet you."
And she looked down and blushed and giggled. And it wasn't performative. It wasn't the sex face that I've seen her make. It was real blush. It was the look someone makes when they are truly seen when they were expecting to only be ogled.
A few friends of mine showed up and we spent the rest of the night just walking around and hanging out. And people kept approaching me and telling me how much they appreciated what I had to say at the workshop. They would always open themselves up to me and tell me about their own experiences. It was truly beautiful.
I went home alone. A slight pang of loneliness (and horniness) in my heart. But more than anything I felt so incredibly validated. More than ever, I feel custom made for the work of writing and discussing these types of issues. I am going to positively impact a lot of lives and that's great.
And I was able to have a real and charming conversation with a literal sex symbol. Which makes me wonder why I've been so afraid to talk to normal women. I feel considerably more confident and attractive than I ever have. I hope that grows and grows.
I am a bit skeeved out by porn now though. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. It's just the difference between highly processed food and a nutritious, organic meal. The fake is fine, but once you taste the real you crave it more and more.
I am ready for a real, intimate, sexually adventurous partnership.
I hope it comes soon.
10:18 a.m. - 2017-04-02
Recent entries:
Jaime - 2017-05-17
A Prophet is Not Recognized in His Own Town - 2017-04-25
A Letter to my Future Wife - 2017-04-16
A Metaphor for Sadness - 2017-04-09
The Social Wallflower - 2017-04-04
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