My friend and coworker told me this morning that I am the most extroverted introvert she knows.
I told her that my ex-girlfriend used to say the same thing all the time.
I find it goes in cycles. I'll do a lot of social things, then I'll retreat for a while.
But really, this last month or so has been kind of jam-packed. I am getting opportunities to explore lots of things and so I am taking those opportunities. It is a lot more social interaction than I am used to, and it doesn't always feel comfortable, but the experiences themselves make everything worth it.
This last weekend, I went to both a porn convention and some special Anglican Church service about mindfulness. The owner and founder of Denver's opera house is a regular at my coffee shop and yesterday offered me the chance to see the dress rehearsal of Lucia Di Lammermoor (an opera I've never heard of, but still). It is an honor typically reserved for the top donors, but she said she could pull some strings. I might get a press pass to go to an underground comix festival this weekend. And was an invited to a toga party on Saturday night. So many varied things. So many different experiences.
I just now got home from Lit on Lit: A Cannabis Writing Workshop. It was an awesome time. Some journalist from Seattle was there doing a piece on it. We were given timed writing prompts, pizza, cannabis infused tea (which was delicious and gave you a warm, gentle high), and a hell of a lot of pot.
Mostly women there, all beautiful and smart, all writing funny and dark and beautiful words.
I had a long conversation with a beautiful redhead who drives what looked like a powder blue 1960s Chevy Impala. We talked about our favorite female writers and agreed that we both felt like we should read David Foster Wallace, but hadn't gotten around to it yet. We geeked out about the writer's of the Beat Generation and how we were both attracted to Denver because of their ties to the city. It was all yesses and exclamation points and solid intellectual connection.
Tragically she seems preoccupied with her monogamy and the boyfriend that came with it, but it really doesn't all have to be sex and love. And even now that I am writing this out, I am a bit disappointed in myself for going there. Because tonight we were writers who both love Flannery O'Connor and think that Margaret Atwood's The Handmaid's Tale totally predicted the times we are in.
All of that said, I am actively trying to deal with my loneliness by getting out of the house. What's more, I am really trying to live as much as possible.
I still feel isolated and anxious and alone a lot of the time, but the more I step out into the person that I've become in secret, the more I find people being attracted to me and inviting me along with them on adventures.
We are in a new chapter. And it is better than the last one.
10:11 p.m. - 2017-04-04
Recent entries:
Puzzle piece - 2017-05-19
Jaime - 2017-05-17
A Prophet is Not Recognized in His Own Town - 2017-04-25
A Letter to my Future Wife - 2017-04-16
A Metaphor for Sadness - 2017-04-09
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