I don't know what to say.
I don't know what to do.
Time is more meaningless now.
Meaningless for everyone though,
so that's something, I suppose.
At first there was a comfort in seeing my
anxiety and general despair
plastered onto every face
weighing down every bit of news.
For the first time in a long time, I felt not crazy.
Or at least everyone else is now the same kind of crazy.
Pandemics are equalizers.
At least to a degree.
Coronavirus doesn't care how much money you make
but the hospitals still do.
I imagine I might be feeling more despair than some though.
I struggle to find a reason to live at even the best of times.
Now, I just don't know what to do.
Yesterday I woke up at my normal time,
thought to myself,
there's no fucking point in getting up,
and went back to sleep.
I more or less slept all day.
The rest of the time in a goddamn coma of Netflix
I do have days where I go out.
Long isolated hikes in the Oklahoma wild
That's tethering me to the Earth for now.
I am out of money
out of work
out of ideas
I grew up imagining the end of the world.
I never dreamed it would involve
the droning white noise of my fan
as I cover myself in blankets
and try to forget I exist.
But this is not the end of the world, is it?
We are not yet at the bottom of the well
We have much farther still to fall.
What can I do?
What is there to do?
Those of you with families and loved ones,
feel blessed.
Those of you with a reason to be awake,
know how lucky you are.
Despite my will to do otherwise,
I am going back to bed.
10:14 a.m. - 2020-03-24
Recent entries:
Pills, Pills, Pills - 2020-05-08
Anxiety is a real motherfucker - 2020-05-03
A Good Deal of Emotional Vomit - 2020-04-15
Word constipation - 2020-04-11
Sleepless Thoughts (and thoughts, and thoughts) - 2020-03-27
My profile
Archives
Notes
Diaryland
Random
RSS
others:
warpednormal
similar
jim515
swordfern
poetinthesky
darkly-blue
loveherwell
holdensolo
lust-
bantenhut
i-am-jack
musicman575
comebacktome
aryssa90
i-lost-sarah
newschick
hexes
gonzoprophet
stardumb
cybers1ut
meffinmisfit
movingsands
the-grey-one
dangerspouse
unowhatilike
silverluna
elusive-you
tobehis
kenny-loo
brothasistas
my-rant
is-life
godsintimate
creme-egg
ruby--sky
reevo
dooki
dagkyo
buddyboy5
obijuan
u2october
nudeplatypus
baby--girl
mojo1915
krunkjazz
alwaysinhim
cindylou03
gr8legs
greenstar7
spittingame
dudemanflab