I lost my job today.
More specifically, I will lose my job on the 29th of December. For that is when my store will close down.
On Friday, I will find out how much my rent will go up. I will have that day to decide whether or not I can afford said rent increase.
Now that I don't have a job, I am going to go ahead and guess that I will not be able to afford to pay more money at all.
Jobless and homeless on New Year's Day. Thanks, 2017.
A few days ago, we found out that my dad's cancer is probably inoperable, but is still slow moving. Which means that my dad, in all likelihood, is in for a very slow and agonizing death.
Alysson—who I have written about on here before, the one that pops in and out of my life, the one that I have deep and seemingly unending affection for—wrote me this morning to tell me (again) that she is (again) out of my life.
My stomach hurts.
My body hurts.
I am almost 37 and have less than 40 bucks to my name.
I have less to live for now than I ever have.
No plans.
No future.
No close relationships.
I would actually much rather be talking about all of this with a friend, but I had no one to reach out to tonight.
I worry about telling my mom about the job thing. She is on the fringes of a nervous breakdown. This just might do it.
I still somehow believe that I am on the brink of some major transformation. That things are going to become suddenly amazingly good.
But that's just a tiny flame of hope. And it has been cold and dark for a long time. And there is still more darkness to come.
There is always more darkness to come.
9:52 p.m. - 2017-11-28
Recent entries:
What the Fuck Am I Thinking? - 2017-12-15
What the Fuck Am I Thinking? - 2017-12-15
Stepping Out - 2017-12-08
Hospital - 2017-12-05
Elsewhere - 2017-12-01
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