Over the last few weeks I have been to the mountaintop twice.
The first time was a literal mountaintop. I went up to Grand Lake, Colorado to spend a few days with my folks.
And God damn, it was beautiful.
I went for this four hour hike by myself. I saw a moose galloping by just a few yards in front of me. I went kayaking in a pristine and cold mountain lake. I meditated in front of a waterfall.
I have not felt that relaxed in years.
And a very big part of me just wanted to stay there.
But as I literally descended the mountains back to noisy and grimy Denver, I thought about how mountaintop experiences are always temporary.
We always have to return to the mundane, day to day existence of work and laundry and bills.
This last weekend, I had a metaphorical mountain top experience.
I got to be a panelist at Denver Comic Con.
In reality, this was a not a big deal. It's a pretty easy gig to get and there were a lot of people who also had the same honor.
But it has literally been a dream of mine since I first went to a comic book convention back in 2003.
And because my co-panelists and I chose a very popular topic (the History and Future of Wonder Woman), there was a line out of the door for at least an hour before the panel began.
We spoke to a packed room of 350 people while several dozen others were turned away.
And I am still glowing at the memory of it. It was so much fun. People laughed at my jokes and seemed genuinely engaged with what I had to say.
I even had three women (who referred to themselves as groupies) find me the next day to say that they wanted to "brain fuck" me because of how smart I was. I made out with one of them in a hallway. It was fantastic.
But yesterday, I had to wake up at 5 am so that I could serve people their morning coffee. I was again anonymous. Just some bearded do-nothing taking people's money.
Mountaintops are temporary experiences.
And maybe not ultimately.
Maybe these trips to the woods are just ways of clearing our minds and resetting our goals.
I can't afford to live in Grand Lake, but maybe I could someday.
People were actually just lining up to hear about Wonder Woman, but maybe someday they will be lining up just to hear me.
But I think even then, even when living on a mountain top, the actual "mountaintop experience" would remain temporary.
There will always be laundry and work and errands and bills.
There will always be ego and pressure and responsibility.
Which is why I am recognizing now that the pursuit of the mountaintop is the wrong thing to pursue.
In part because there is always a higher peak. There is always more we can accomplish. If we set as our purpose to climb, when will we know when to rest? What will we do when the trail ends? What if we don't make it to the top? What if we do and are still not satisfied?
The truth is that there is nothing to pursue at all. We are on the mountaintop now. We are in Nirvana now. We are already here.
It is easier to notice it when looking over a pristine meadow or being recognized for your skills, but it is no less true when stuck in traffic or drowning in depressed isolation.
That peace, that joy, that confidence, that is all just as available now as ever.
The only thing to pursue is the clarity to see it.
12:32 p.m. - 2017-07-04
Recent entries:
To the Mountains! - 2017-08-21
At the Bottom of the Sea - 2017-08-10
Hey, thanks everyone - 2017-07-28
Even at Rock Bottom, One Can Still See the Stars - 2017-07-26
The New Normal - 2017-07-24
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