This is the true story of how I have a 76% chance of fucking a New York Times bestselling author tonight: a story in four parts.
warning: this will be a long post.
1.
The story begins two years ago.
I was at Comic Con. I went by myself because I was single and my best friend bailed on me. I was determined to make the best of it though. I wore a Princess Leia costume. Not the slave outfit, you perverts. I wore the cinnamon bun on the side of the head costume. With my big beard. I was a very sexy Leia.
Towards the end of the day as I am leaving, this woman stops me. She was dressed like Rogue from the 90s X-Men cartoon. Google image that. I'll wait. She wore every curve of it perfectly. She was a stunningly beautiful woman.
She tells me she loves my costume. She gives me this look that makes me melt. She asks if I gender-swap often or if it is just a Comic Con thing. I tell her honestly that I do it any real chance I get.I just think it's fun. Especially with a giant beard.
She smiles a beautiful smile and tells me that she also loves being gender queer. That melting look becomes more intense.
We talk for a few minutes and then she tells me that she is going to have some dinner with some friends, but that I should swing by her table tomorrow. She is an author. She gives me her card.
I do my best to wait to visit her table the next day, but really only make it about thirty minutes. I swing by. She is wearing a sort of steam punk outfit (thank you, God). She greets me warmly. We talk and joke a bit, she tells me to see her panel later that day and I do. After the panel, she tells me to come back her table again and say goodbye before I go. I do. We talk and joke a bit. She asks me to add her on Facebook. I do. I had clear fantasies in my head about how I wanted things to go from here. She was beautiful and interesting and wrote sci fi/fantasy novels. I knew she was out of my league, but I didn't care.
But alas. It is when I add her on Facebook that I discover she is married (happily, it seemed) with some kids. I guess I misread her signals, I thought. Or maybe I just really, really wished that she was flirting with me and let my imagination run away with me.
Nonetheless, I thought she was super cool and we would like and comment on each other's statuses every now and then. I think we messaged each other once or twice to talk about writing and maybe God or something similar. She didn't go to Con last year, and so I figured I'd never see her again. And though I confess that on more than one occasion I thought of her in a way that was, well...extra friendly, she was mostly just this awesome beautiful person that I knew on Facebook.
2.
A few months ago, I get a message from her. It says something to the effect of:
"hey, don't take this the wrong way, but I think you are really handsome."
Don't take this the wrong way.
She goes on to tell me that she thinks I am smart and funny and she loves reading my Facebook posts.
I, really trying to not take this the wrong way, say thank you and that it means a lot coming from someone that I admire as much as her. I told her that she was wonderful and had such a beautiful family. She told me how much she loved her kids.
I did my best not to take it the wrong way. I knew the way I wanted to take it—the way anyone would want to take a beautiful woman telling them that their handsome—was the wrong way. I let it go.
But I definitely thought of her in that extra friendly way that night.
3.
Fast forward to a few days ago. I am already super bummed that I can't go to Comic Con. It's one of my favorite things in the world. But when I saw her post on Facebook that she was going to be at the Con, my heart broke. Again, I wasn't taking it the wrong way or anything, but it would be great to see her. She is awesome and caring and funny.
A friend bought me a ticket to go to Comic Con.I went today with a couple of friends.
When I walked by her table (she again in a mid-riff steam punk costume. This time with blonde streaks in hair and the side of her head shaved. Fucking beautiful and sexy and oh my god)...sorry what was I saying?
Oh, yes. When I walked by her table she was talking to someone. I waited a few feet behind them. When she saw me her eyes lit up. She finished with the guy she was talking to and ran up to me.
She hugged me incredibly tight.
Then she hugged me again.
Then again.
Her face was so close to mine that I could have kissed her. She said "I thought you said you weren't coming to Con?"
"Someone bought my ticket"
She hugged me again. I introduced her to my friends. She introduced me to hers. She told me that she was just now headed to go do a panel. I told her I would tag along.
On the way down we talked rapidly about our lives, talking about how much it felt like we knew each other through Facebook. She asked me about school. She told me about her divorce. It was a heartbroken and horrible story. I asked if I could hug her. She said it would make her cry and she had to do a panel. She did brilliantly on it.
After she was finished, she told me she had to do an interview. I told her that I would love to catch up with her if she had the time. Get some coffee or whatever.
She said she wasn't sure if she could swing it because she had a lot of interviews and things. I told her I would at least say goodbye to her before I left.
You'd better, she said.
4.
My friends and I walk around the con a bit before they decide to leave. I tell them I am going to stay, in part so I can keep looking at cool nerdy stuff, but also because I just wanted to see if this incredibly beautiful author will be free to hang out.
Soon after they leave, I get a text from this girl that I occasionally hook up with from Boulder. We have this arrangement where we know we will never be in a relationship, but can occasionally fuck from time to time.
She texts me that she is at Con. In a Harry Potter dress.
Suddenly, this is a Choose Your Own Adventure novel.
I tell her that I don't want to be presumptuous about her evening plans, but I have a 40% shot of hanging out with an old friend tonight. She says she actually has to get back to Boulder soon. Cool. Let's hang out for a bit though.
I confess that I have a crush on the "old friend" I might hang out with.
She confesses about the guy she has to get back to Boulder to see.
We walk around a little and then we go up to the parking garage and she smokes me out and we make-out a little. I think my grandma would call it "heavy petting." She leaves with the promise that we'll see each other sometime soon.
I look at my phone. 5:30. The Con closes in a half hour. I go back in to see this intentionally unnamed beautiful author.
"hey," she says, smiling.
"hey."
We walk around a little. She takes me to a table she likes and buys me a sticker. The way she looks at me is enough to keep me always thinking about her in that extra friendly way from now on.
As the Con closes, I tell her that I will let her go so she can pack up.
"Thanks for listening to me." she tells me, slightly fidgeting and smiling the most kissable smile I have ever seen.
"I wish I could listen more." I am sure I'm gushing.
"And really, uh, listen, if you want to get coffee or drinks tonight, just let me know."
She smiles.
"I mean, I know you have a lot to do and you're busy and, I mean, just, you know, if you want to."
Smooth, Ryan. Smooth.
She says she'll let me know and hugs me tightly.
"It was good seeing you."
"It was so good to see you," I tell her.
Then I walked home and started writing this story.
I don't know what will happen.
If this is the end of the story, I won't even be sad. Because I could see the desire in her eyes. It was there. It was unmistakable.
This beautiful New York Times bestselling author wanted me.
Not to mention the hot hippy girl from Boulder who let my hands between her dress and will definitely see me soon.
So yes, I am hoping against hope that there is a part five to this story, I am still feeling so much more confident and desirable than I probably ever have.
In other words: fuck you, Ice Cube. Your "Good Day" was shit compared to mine.
6:43 p.m. - 2016-06-19
Recent entries:
Dear, future wife... - 2016-07-23
I just don't know - 2016-07-21
Bookish - 2016-07-13
bleh - 2016-07-12
Stewardship - 2016-06-24
My profile
Archives
Notes
Diaryland
Random
RSS
others:
bantenhut
lust-
i-am-jack
musicman575
holdensolo
i-lost-sarah
aryssa90
newschick
hexes
gonzoprophet
stardumb
meffinmisfit
cybers1ut
movingsands
the-grey-one
unowhatilike
dangerspouse
silverluna
elusive-you
tobehis
kenny-loo
brothasistas
my-rant
is-life
godsintimate
ruby--sky
creme-egg
darkly-blue
reevo
similar
comebacktome
obijuan
dagkyo
dooki
buddyboy5
u2october
nudeplatypus
spittingame
krunkjazz
dudemanflab
greenstar7
baby--girl
mojo1915
alwaysinhim
cindylou03