My folks are retiring this month. They are going to be RVers and travel around the country for a couple of years.
I am pretty excited for them because that sounds like something I would honestly love to do myself.
(I am less excited about them spending the whole summer about thirty minutes away from where I live, but that's another issue altogether.)
Earlier today, during my obligatory weekly phone call with my mom, she told me that she was getting rid of all their non-essentials and was asking me what I'd want if anything (I'm taking some pots and pans. I passed on the gold plated silverware). That's when she asked about the grandma hope chest.
The grandma hope chest is something that my mom has had since my brother and I were babies. It's a collection of things that my mom has saved to give to her grandchildren. She has been acquiring stuff for it for years.
My brother had a vasectomy a few years back and he and his wife have no intentions of reversing it. They kept this fact from my mom for years (and might still be keeping it from her, I don't know) because they know it will break her heart.
My mom wants grandbabies more than anything.
She has come to terms with the fact that my brother is not going to have kids though. I don't know if they told her about the vasectomy, but they have (repeatedly) told her that they have no intention of reproducing.
Which is why today my mom asked me if I was ever going to have kids.
Well, fuck.
So I had the great fortune of telling my mother that I can't seem to hold a woman's interest for more than a few weeks, let alone marry her and have kids together.
Of course I foolishly mentioned Erica to her a while back. I really thought that she would be around for a bit and was actually excited to say that I had found someone.
And of course my mom asked whether I thought we had a future.
Nope. I said. It's been almost a month since I've seen her.
Then my mom asked about my ex Alayna and told me that I should just get back with her. To which I had to say (again) that Alayna broke up with me and doesn't want to be with me.
All in all, it was a great little reminder of how totally alone I am.
And I know I am not unlovable. At least in theory.
But it really feels that way right now.
I think my mom thinks that. I really do. I think she worries that I will never find someone.
So I told her that I would just take the grandma hope chest and keep it here, just in case I have kids.
I am now going to drown myself in pizza.
5:30 p.m. - 2016-03-29
Recent entries:
Under Pressure - 2016-04-17
Admitting it to Myself - 2016-04-11
Brain Date - 2016-04-07
An elongated sigh before returning to work - 2016-04-06
Day by Day - 2016-03-31
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