On Friday I got out of work early and instead of going straight home to prepare for finals, I went to the movies instead.
I saw Everest in 3D. Pretty good movie.
And though I am the kind of person that does cry at movies, I found myself absolutely weeping while watching this one.
It had nothing to do with the movie. Not really.
There was just a scene in it, a very typical scene for these types of movies. One where the hero seems defeated and can't move and then the wife comes on the phone because "only she can get him moving."
I cried there. Not just because of the fact that I don't have anyone to get me moving, but because most people don't know just how I defeated I am right now.
I am lost and alone. Really alone. And that sucks.
Nonetheless, it was good to weep. It felt like it was a long time in coming.
I have denied myself the luxury of feeling things most of this semester. I have just been too busy to have a break down.
But now that things are wrapping up, I know that my feelings are going to rush in.
Hopefully I'll be able to deal with them.
Because I can't change the fact that I am alone. For all I know I will be alone forever.
All I can do is change the way I feel about it.
10:38 a.m. - 2015-12-06
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