On New Year's day I started a diet.
It's supposed to kill of candida in the small intestine. I am doing it because most (if not all) of my symptoms--chronic pain, fatigue, constant allergy symptoms, IBS, depression, anxiety, etc.--are the symptoms due to an overgrowth of candida.
It's a diet I've been meaning to try for years, but frankly have never had the nerve to do it because of how extreme it is.
Sixty days with no sugar or anything that turns to sucrose in my system.
No dairy, no bread, no fruit, no starches, no alcohol.
It's day five and I am dying.
Sugar withdrawal is a real thing and it sucks.
Last night I dreamed of Oreos.
All day I've been thinking about food of all kinds.
I never noticed how much food people eat in tv and movies.
I am also super irritable and light-headed and have no energy. I think all of that will fade as my body adjusts to having real food for a change, but still it sucks today.
That's part of what has made today a bad day. Here is the other thing:
I got the schedule that I will be working for the next six months at Netflix.
4:45pm-1:15am, Tuesday through Saturday.
Given that I am in school from 8:00 to 2:30 on Mondays and Wednesdays, I will only have one actual day off a week, and it's a Sunday. I guess there are some things to do on Sundays, but it's not really a happening night for singles to meet people.
Of course if I did meet someone we would only get to see each other once a week.
And golly, Wednesdays are going to suck. I will get home from work Tuesday night at around two, wake up around six, go to school from 8-2:30 and then go to work until 1:15. How many hours is that? 17? That's a 17 hour work day.
What the fuck have I done to myself?
I am already so isolated, I'm not sure I can handle this.
I don't even know the last time I was touched by another human. And not in a sexual way, just touched. It may be a long time before it happens again.
With all that said, I am still somehow optimistic.
I will adjust. I will survive.
Besides, it's probably not as bad as it seems. Things rarely are.
I will also have money and will be able to travel. And once these sugar withdrawals subside, I might actually start feeling good for the first time in years.
It's a lot of newness, and it's stressful and overwhelming, but it is also finally a chance to change.
I embrace it and welcome it all.
4:55 p.m. - 2015-01-05
Recent entries:
Everything Has Changed (and by everything I mean one thing) - 2015-04-27
Did I mention I am naked? Because I am. - 2015-04-22
Catch up - 2015-02-20
Anniversary - 2015-01-15
La Vie Est Belle - 2015-01-14
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