Over the last two weeks or so, I met and kind of fell for this wonderful girl.
On Tuesday, she ultimately decided that we couldn't date because she spends most of her time mountain climbing, and biking, and skiing, etc. While I spend most of my time indoors.
This would inevitably lead to conflict. I totally get that.
I was a little crushed, but I let her go.
Walking home that night I thought about how difficult it has been to find women that meet my three criteria of being 1. intellectually curious 2. playful and 3. genuinely kind and compassionate.
Mountain climber girl met those requirements, but I didn't meet hers.
It made me think that the odds of finding a woman that I like who likes me back are starting to seem fairly improbable.
And then I started to think about my own passions. Philosophy of Religion and American Religious History are not just things that I am majoring in. They are not just subjects that I find interesting. I come alive when I read about them. They are a fire in my belly (to use a biblical phrase), they are things that I am desperate to talk about and share.
The problem is that no one else I know seems all that interested in these things at all. Or if they are, it's at a level where I end up teaching them about these things instead of having a conversation about them.
I am not saying that I am smarter than everyone, I am saying that I have dug in deeper to these ultra specific topics than anyone else I know and am now isolated as a result of it.
I am sure this is a problem for academics of all fields, except that they have their colleagues and classmates for camaraderie. Maybe their wife doesn't want to talk physics, but they have relatively quick access to someone who does.
My problem is that my school does not have anything close to a philosophy of religion or American religious history major. They don't even have classes for that.
This means that the chances of me getting to have a conversation about the things that I love with someone who understands and equally loves what I am talking about are slim to none.
At least until grad school, which is still two years away.
This thought has made me lonelier than I can remember being.
Mountain climber girl will find other mountain climbers, this is Colorado.
The best I can hope for is to find someone who tolerates my passions.
And even that seems unlikely right now.
I think I need to just give up.
1:50 p.m. - 2014-10-02
Recent entries:
Awake in My Tiny Cage - 2014-11-03
God. - 2014-10-27
I remember me. - 2014-10-17
The Paper - 2014-10-13
A Post About Not Doing Anything - 2014-10-12
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