I watched Boyhood this evening.
And man, I just love the way you can sometimes experience art at the absolute perfect time. Where it is the last piece of this jigsaw puzzle that has been building and absolutely transforms your life.
Boyhood was that piece of art for me tonight.
Things have been building for months.
Therapy.
Practicing mindfulness.
Self-acceptance
Dealing with the trauma of my abusive dad.
Working on my confidence.
All these things have been a struggle and exhausting; this total uphill battle.
Shit, two months ago, I was thinking about suicide at least daily.
Things have been really rough.
But slowly and gradually things have been changing.
I have been changing.
And tonight, watching this beautiful movie, it all just sort of clicked.
I am beautifully human.
My beating heart and my coarse flesh and yes, even all of this muscle pain, are all part of this incredible mystery.
We are the only miracles.
We are all the magic that there is.
I can't explain it well. At least not yet.
But for the first time in my life, I feel free.
I feel capable.
I feel infinite.
And just to cap everything off, as we were standing around talking about the movie, an extremely drunk stranger walked up to me, gave me a giant, very long hug, and stroked my face. Then she walked away.
That means something.
Maybe I have a new aura.
Maybe she thought I was Mike Myers.
Who knows?
I just feel good. It's not a feeling I am used to.
Oh, and in case you are wondering, I kind of look like Mike Myers.
11:52 p.m. - 2014-07-31
Recent entries:
Awake in My Tiny Cage - 2014-11-03
God. - 2014-10-27
I remember me. - 2014-10-17
The Paper - 2014-10-13
A Post About Not Doing Anything - 2014-10-12
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