So she said:
You seem to like me, but it's possible that it's merely due to force of habit--of entertaining your most irresistible emotions--that is, those emotions to which you're addicted (we all have emotional addictions).
Perhaps, with that evocative and seductive blend that you so adore, it's only a matter of time before happenstance offers a target of one kind or another. With this target, you can dance to the music of your addiction until your legs get tired.
And, you stir feelings in me, you do. But, maybe I'm just being swayed by your chemical tide. Historically, I don't sway because I tend not to feel very affected by others. I'm feeling affected now, but question the authenticity of these feelings. Are they mine? Are they yours? Am I being moved by your force of habit?
Unlike you, your erstwhile other, and most everybody else in my age group, I've only felt intensely romantic feelings one time in my life--and that was ten years ago. Maybe you're drawn to me or maybe you're drawn to something in yourself and I've made myself a target for projection. Either way, I can only surmise how I'm different from others you've known. I cannot surmise what differences you value.
And then I said:
Well, I am not going to quote it all. But basically, I said "yeah, maybe."
Maybe I am addicted to love (just like Robert Palmer!).
Maybe I am just seeking out the emotional high of having a relationship.
But perhaps I'm not. Perhaps her feelings are legitimately her own and perhaps this whole thing is genuine.
I said a lot more.
I told her that the best thing for us to do is move forward with "wide eyes and cautious optimism."
We are now approaching 24 hours since I responded to her e-mail and have received no reply.
I might not have a date for New Year's after all.
But then again, I may just be being overly dramatic and emotional, which is apparently something that I am want to do.
Fuck, man. I don't know.
7:39 a.m. - 2012-12-31
Recent entries:
Awake in My Tiny Cage - 2014-11-03
God. - 2014-10-27
I remember me. - 2014-10-17
The Paper - 2014-10-13
A Post About Not Doing Anything - 2014-10-12
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