my parents took me boating yesterday.
me, typical brooding artist, sat silent in my land clothes watching birds and my hand reflected in the water.
everyone else apparently enjoyed being pulled underwater for extended periods of time. various wooden apparations attached to their feet.
my dad tried unsuccessfully to get up but he never quit.
well, he did eventually. he is not still out there yelling "okay, i think i got it this time. GO!"
my mother, who swears that she doesnt read this anymore, got up almost every time but, frightened, would let go of the rope almost instantly upon the immergence from the water.
johnny, an employee of my fathers and one astute son of a bitch, watched the above mentioned goings on and said to me:
you inherited your mom's side of this.
your dad and your brother will try anything. motorcycles, riding bulls, mint chocolate ice cream, but you, you let go of the rope.
very wise, i told him, very wise indeed.
i have always been in opposition to frivalous activity. or really just activity in general.
am i scared?
sure, i am scared of everything.
literally everything.
you name it, hell dont even name it, just kind of hint at it, and i am scared.
but thats not the whole story.
(or at least thats what i tell the small children who mock me as i, curled up in the fetal position, decide not to go down the water slide.)
no, on top of fear, so much mind freezing fear, is the sense that its all a bit pointless.
you want me to get pulled by a boat?
you want me to chase that little ball around?
you want me to shower regularly?
why?
whats the point?
i let go of ropes.
but should i have ever grabbed on in the first place?
as i write this, i am beginning to think that i am full of it.
i would look into my real aversion to water sports,
but am too afraid of what i'd find out.
8:05 a.m. - 2005-07-19
Recent entries:
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