eight hours ago i had a girlfriend.
it all started on the phone behind the grocery store. no, thats not where it started. i dont know when it started. this is where it unraveled.
sitting against my favorite wall in this tiny town, various colors from half hearted attempts to cover grafitti, i heard myself say things that i never thought i'd say.
she asked me to come over.
her room was filled with me. notes i had left on her car windshield. i picture i had bought her at a recent art show. books, and stuffed animals and mementos. this was going to be so hard.
we walked, mostly silently, in the darkness as i fought to get the words out. what was i doing? why, why, why the hell was i going through with this? she looked so beautiful. she was so perfect.
we cried for hours. holding each other. weeping. it broke my heart. it seemed to destroy hers. my reasons seemed so incredibly stupid. everything seemed so incredibly fucking stupid. but still neccessary. better now than two years from now, i told myself. you can't avoid the ineveitable once you realize its there. not really anyway.
as soon as it was done. i wished it wasnt. i wanted so bad to take it all back. to call a do-over. to pretend it didnt happen. i loved her. i love her. she was the first. she will always be the first girl i loved.
it was the night after the pope died.
the library in john steinbeck's hometown was closing.
terry schiavo was dead and already forgotten.
and i said goodbye to what made up my existence for the last seven months.
eight hours ago i had a girlfriend. now only memories and an unbearable broken heart.
11:26 a.m. - 2005-04-04
Recent entries:
Awake in My Tiny Cage - 2014-11-03
God. - 2014-10-27
I remember me. - 2014-10-17
The Paper - 2014-10-13
A Post About Not Doing Anything - 2014-10-12
My profile
Archives
Notes
Diaryland
Random
RSS
others:
i-lost-sarah
aryssa90
newschick
stardumb
hexes
gonzoprophet
meffinmisfit
cybers1ut
the-grey-one
movingsands
dangerspouse
unowhatilike
silverluna
elusive-you
tobehis
kenny-loo
brothasistas
my-rant
is-life
godsintimate
ruby--sky
creme-egg
darkly-blue
reevo
similar
dooki
dagkyo
obijuan
buddyboy5
u2october
nudeplatypus
mojo1915
baby--girl
cindylou03
alwaysinhim
greenstar7
krunkjazz
dudemanflab
spittingame