in my last entry i promised to write a entry about God.
it seems that all of my peers have been having a bit of a hard time when it comes the man upstairs, myself included. so why has my relationship with the Lord dwindled the last few months?
its not because of other christians. for a long time i thought that to be my reason for apostasy, and although i still find hypocrisy, judgementalism and legalism repulsive i know, and have always known, that those things do not represent Jesus or christianity at all. for every fake christian out there im sure that there are many more authentic ones. its just that we all tend to focus on the negative more than the positive (diaryland content is proof enough of this point) regarding all things.
i also know that God is real. some of my friends claim to doubt Gods existense. that, for me, would be impossible. i have too much information,logic and common sense to believe in anything other than the livelihood of my Lord. i would say more here but we all know that noone reads long entries.
so why have i fallen away?
the answer is simple
and i would dare say that this answer rings true of most of those who have chosen to live outside of grace.
i think that God is wrong.
he tells me to do things that i dont want to do, he never listens to my ideas, and he insists that he knows whats best for me. God treats me like a child and expects me to act like one. how can he expect that, knowing all about (because i have told him many times) my education and experience. if God only understood that i want christianity, my way all the time i think we could of had a arrangement.
of course, as i write this i can clearly see the nonsense of it all, but this is how i really think many times. christianity is all about surrender. one cannot be a christian and still lay claim to their own lives.
now the only real question is this: do i surrender my life to Jesus or try to make it all alone?
it seems many of my friends have decided to make it on their own, though i feel they have never looked at it quite like that. but i, i dont have a choice really. i know that without God's help so far i would be beyond lost. i cant make it without him, thus i stay with him
and i will continue to do so.
3:05 p.m. - 2002-08-10
Recent entries:
Awake in My Tiny Cage - 2014-11-03
God. - 2014-10-27
I remember me. - 2014-10-17
The Paper - 2014-10-13
A Post About Not Doing Anything - 2014-10-12
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