The due date for my draft came and went. It's a bummer, but I think it's fine. I will be fine.
I am still slowly and surely attacking this thing. I want to do it right. I want to do good work. There is a good chance that I won't be able to afford graduate school, even if I got in, so this really might be my one chance to be a real historian.
I feel like this paper is like the last game of the college athlete who knows he isn't going pro.
And that kind of shit is some needless pressure.
I think that's why I have struggled with this thing.
I've done all the research. I know what I want to say.
But where I struggle is getting it onto the page.
I'll get there though. I just need to relax.
In other news, I started talking to this girl I knew back in high school. She was dating my best friend at the time and her best friend had a major crush on me, so I don't think we thought of each other all that much.
Yesterday she wrote a funny thing on Facebook. I commented on the funny thing with another funny thing. Then I sent a private message asking how she's been and the whole "it's been years" stuff.
Pretty quickly and seamlessly we started talking about sex. I don't really know how that happened.
We haven't said we want to fuck each other yet, but I imagine we will soon.
She lives in Texas though. And I am in Colorado. I doubt we will ever actually see each other.
That story is absolutely pointless. As far as I can tell, it only serves two purposes:
1. I am starting to rebuild my sexual confidence. Before Erica, I was on the verge of some libertine like sexual adventures. I think it's time I resumed that quest (as long as it is done ethically and safely and with strong feminist principles, respect, etc).
Also, it just feels nice to feel attractive. Who doesn't like a little attention every now and then? I can tell she is enjoying it too. Her enjoyment increases my enjoyment.
2. I am willing to write anything that isn't the thing that I am supposed to be writing about.
This is a fucking long post. I hope it got some juices flowing.
Now back to work.
4:09 p.m. - 2016-04-20
Recent entries:
My Mother Opens Up - 2016-05-26
Now to sleep for days. - 2016-05-11
Now I Can Finally Shut Up About it - 2016-05-03
Jesus. Fuck. I am tired. - 2016-04-29
sleepy - 2016-04-25
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