The first draft of my senior thesis is due in 23 hours.
I have five pages of historiography down. I need at least fifteen pages of actual analysis. I haven't written a thing for that yet.
The last two nights as I sat down to write my mind has just stopped. I don't know what I want to say, what I am trying to argue.
So, I think, I'll just do some more research. And so I read and read and read.
Then I give up and watch Star Wars Rebels for a bit and go to bed early.
I got off work at 2.
I sat down to write.
Too tired. So I took an hour long nap.
I woke up and tried writing again.
I still don't know what I want to say.
So more and more reading.
I've looked at over more than twenty sources for this paper.
I can't really remember what any of them say or how they are different.
I always get a bit of anxiety when it comes to writing large papers, I usually struggle for a long time until something finally clicks and I then pull off something great.
Nothing has clicked yet.
Last week I had the luxury of being able to take a night off and go to the park and clear my head.
It helped. I wrote a hell of a paper.
But it is snowing right now, so no park. Besides time is a real issue.
23 hours. 15 pages.
I think I am overthinking this. In fact, I know I am.
Something about this being a senior thesis is really freaking me out.
I want to say something original. I want to really do history.
I know I need to let go of that expectation and pressure and just write.
I need to turn my brain off so that I can get my brain to work.
I don't know how to do that.
A walk in the snow, maybe.
Jesus.
Buddha.
Santa.
Whoever.
Someone help me.
6:13 p.m. - 2016-04-17
Recent entries:
Now to sleep for days. - 2016-05-11
Now I Can Finally Shut Up About it - 2016-05-03
Jesus. Fuck. I am tired. - 2016-04-29
sleepy - 2016-04-25
I write a little, I flirt a little, I eat a lot of junk food. - 2016-04-20
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