Hello.

Before I left to go live adventures on the road I made a promise to myself that I would update on here regularly. I was planning to use diaryland as a way to document where I am and what I am feeling to make writing the book easier.

Well, as it turns out I suck at that.

I have been having trouble writing in general. There is too much to do and see and people who want my time. Right now, I am in rural Maryland surrounded by a floor full of legos and three children who are desperate clamoring for my attention.

My friend, the-grey-one, has asked me to write more on here, so I will again try to do so.

I don't really know what to write right now though.

I don't really know what to do or what I want or what I am learning. I am lonely at times. Ecstatic at times. I generally love living on the road. My chronic pain is getting worse though. This morning, I am having trouble even concentrating. That's why this entry will be scattered and maybe slightly incoherent.

I feel like my career as a writer would be at a better place if I was writing or promoting myself more. But shit, I also kind of don't care. What matters is this transformation that I am experiencing.

I am a different person now. Or rather, I am a more pure version of myself. I feel like dross has been burned off. Throughout my time in California, the Pacific Northwest, and a 9 day trek from Seattle to Philadelphia, it felt like all the wires of my brain were pulled out and now I am experiencing the re-wiring.
It's not that I no longer experience depression or anxiety or know what the fuck I am doing, but my brain seems to process that stimuli in a different way. My view of life feels broader in a way that I have logically grasped for years, but never felt in my core until now.

I wish I could describe it better. But my pain is high today and the kids keep trying to sit in my lap and I am too tired for my brain to work. I'll try to write more soon.

But right now it feels like there are no words. Only a deep, satisfying silence.

1:31 p.m. - 2018-06-21