I fell in love with a woman in Redding, Ca.

I had to leave her to go to Portland, where a woman in the process of a divorce was waiting for me.

While at a seaside cottage on the northern Oregon coast with the divorcee, the woman from Redding texted me and asked if she could meet me in Portland for a few days.

I said yes.

I spent two days with a woman I met at a bar in Redding
Then two days later, spent three days with a woman on the Oregon coast.
Then a full day after that, I spent four days in Oregon with the woman from Redding.

They do not know of each other. I feel shitty about that. But we did discuss and recognize that we can't be anything other than this momentary lapse in time where everything seems perfect.
We all decided to be here now and only focus on what we had in the moment. That wasn't my prompting, but theirs.

So I feel okay having things play out the way they did.
Both were organic and natural and everything they needed to be.

The divorcee cried a lot. She was married to a man who only recently discovered he is asexual, so for the last 11 years she has been in a sexless marriage and blaming herself, her lack of desirability, for that. My wanting her was new and I got the sense healing for her.

The woman from Redding is a travel nurse. These sorts of transient relationships are the only kinds she has.
We have talked on the phone every day since she has gone back.
I find her amazing and enthralling.
But I am not sure I will ever get to see her again.

And that's sad.
But still okay.

For the longest time I felt stuck in a hamster wheel.
Nothing ever really changing.
I dated the same women in the same way and got the same results.
All of my life was like this.

But for the last 90+ days, not a single day has repeated. It's all new all the time.

There was nothing familiar with these women. It was with a new skin that I touched them.

I wanted so badly to linger.
To take either of them as my own and create a life with them.

But they are already gone, vanished like every other thing.

Someday this might all make sense.

4:06 p.m. - 2018-05-16