I can't sleep.
After a little over a month in Maryland, I leave here tomorrow. Or I guess this morning, since it is now past midnight.
This is the saddest I have ever felt leaving a place.
This family is my family. I love them like crazy. It's been a wonderful time here. Corralled Chaos, they call it. The house is always so full of life. I will miss it. I already do.
I feel compelled to leave.
In the hopes of seeing my biological family. My parents are in poor health.
To see C in Cincinnati. She is lonely and having a hard time in a strange city where she knows no one. I love her. I care about her a lot. But I don't know.
I have no idea what awaits me next.
I have no idea why I am leaving.
I can never let myself get too close to anyone.
Or I can, but only for a certain amount of time.
Is this self preservation? Fear of intimacy?
I don't know. But I love the family I have been staying with.
I hope to see them again soon. Hopefully for longer next time.
12:01 a.m. - 2022-01-25
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