I am in Aberdeen, Maryland. It is close to many things which I am sure I will soon visit via train.
It's funny to me how when I am staying in a place and have said place to myself, I tend to still spend my time in whatever room or space is given to me. This was true even of the house where I lived the last two years.
I mean I'll venture out to the kitchen or bathroom as needed, but I don't tend to linger in the common spaces. It's almost like when no one is here I feel I have the most permission to do what I kind of always want to do, which is hide in my little makeshift cave for a while.
So that is what I am doing right now. Soft music, a dark basement room, me alone with my thoughts.
My intention is to be writing for other things than this diary, but wanted to at least stop by and say hello.
I am staying with one of my oldest and closest friends and their amazing family, which is truly my amazing family, and that is nice to say.
I will probably still disappear for Christmas. It's a really hard day for me and not just because of all the being estranged from my fundamentalist Christian family stuff, but mostly because of that.
But nonetheless it is good to be here. There will be some hanging out and exploring and stuff, but my main goal is to write write write write write. And also figure out how to make money so that I can write and live in a van and travel up the west coast again this winter/spring.
But also, god damn, I just want to really get some discipline again with my writing and study and general secular monk like life.
I am hoping the stability here is what I need to regain some inner stability.
But I kind of know that I am really afraid of opening up all the wounds necessary for my book to pour out and have just been putting it off and finding excuses not to write everywhere I am. I had the whole lost years of Coronavirus but spent my time watching woodturning videos on youtube instead.
So we'll see how I distract myself and procrastinate here. It's never a hard thing to do.
10:57 a.m. - 2021-12-20
Recent entries:
Play Acting - 2022-02-05
Hello. Goodbye. Hello. - 2022-01-25
Birthday Birthday Blah Blah Blah - 2022-01-22
A dream - 2022-01-20
Another day wasted, another day of growth - 2022-01-06
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