63 days since my last entry. God damn.
It's also been 63 days since I last read up on any of you wonderful people. Hope you are all still alive.
I don't know how I am doing. Like at all. For whatever reason, my brain is just like "nope, better stay away from introspection. Why not just be constantly restless and stay busy but not at all productive?"
And then my brain, which is the same brain as above, went "okay!"
So that's that.
The Tulsa home is going well, we have filled the house with furniture that we got for free and the place is super comfy and nice.
The main problem is that we are all super poor and stressed about making rent and paying bills. We are impatient to really start work on our secular monastery, but still feel really underwater with all the practical "staying alive" shit.
But hopefully soon...is a sentence that I've been saying for the last 8 months. Still, one has hope that sometime soon I will be in a stable financial situation.
The cruel irony is that I know that I can make more money as a writer than I can as a Lyft driver or waiter or whatever other jobs I have been failing to get hired for. But it's hard to write when you know you need money immediately. So I keep telling myself that as soon as I get enough stability then I'll really focus on my writing career. But I can never find stability.
Maybe I just need to start writing...is a sentence that I tell myself every day. One day I'll actually do that.
I have been having a ton of sex though. Good sex too. It's been crazy. I think the men in Oklahoma must just kind of suck, because when I treat women with basic decency here they start salivating. Also, my hair and beard are pretty long now and it gives me a bit of a Jon Snow vibe (on a good day. When it's really humid I just look like Hagrid), so that helps too.
I met a single mom who was about to move and just wanted to have a lot of sex before she did. We ended up really connecting and caring for each other in this beautiful way. Plus, since we knew we only had a few weeks, there was a real summer camp vibe to everything. It made things a bit hotter.
Oh, and also she went to high school with someone I had sex with in Denver. Small world.
The other woman I have been seeing was born and raised in Tulsa and hasn't seen a lot of the rest of the world. Her favorite restaurant is Olive Garden, which makes me glad that I am not as much of an elitist as I used to be, because she's really great.
And God, the sex is the most intense I think I've ever had. We hardly ever make it past her front door.
I am on a crazy cocktail of crazy pills at the moment (probably why I don't know how I am and why I haven't been able to write on here) and they make it virtually impossible for me to have an orgasm. So this woman and I fuck for hours.
We've only been on two dates. The rest of the time she'd rather me just come to her house. We don't really talk a lot.
I don't know how I feel about any of it, because I don't know how I feel.
I feel a yearning for something.
I am already tired of being in one place.
I never know what to do.
I promise I'll write more frequently.
9:03 a.m. - 2019-06-11
Recent entries:
The Time Traveler. - 2019-10-05
updatey ramble - 2019-09-02
You Pray to Die (But god Doesn't Answer Prayer) - 2019-08-09
Full Moon - 2019-07-16
A Ramble. - 2019-06-19
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