So let's see, what's been happening?
My birthday was last Tuesday. It was a good time. I got whiskey drunk and regaled people with stories.
I went to a goth nightclub the weekend before. Had a great time but miscalculated the distance from the club to where I am staying and ended up rather stubbornly walking close to 8 miles home in the middle of the night. Still a nice time though.
I ended up confessing for the first time in public that I am really into being dominated by women sexually. It was in this sex positivity group that I moderate. It turned into this great conversation about how submissive men are seen as emasculated and unattractive and how submissive men can still be pretty abusive to the women topping them. Oh, and also, this crazy beautiful kind of hippy-ish woman messaged me because of that post and told me that she really wants to tie me up and have her way with me.
So fuck. Hope that happens.
Outside of that though, the last two weeks have largely been spent in intentional isolation with as little stimulus as possible. I have been trying to really work through all the depression and fucked up shit that has been just beneath the surface this last year.
It's been hard and exhausting, but that work is necessary.
I have also been doing yoga every day and trying to meditate. I think it's helped. I think it will continue to help.
I am trying to remember that feelings come and go and it's best not to be too tangled up in them. Not an easy thing to do. I'm sure I will keep failing at that. But each time I fail, I get a little bit stronger.
I am growing. I am evolving. I pray for ego death.
But I am praying that ego death will happen after the beautiful Cambodian woman ties me up and has her way with me.
Because, c'mon.
1:38 p.m. - 2018-01-28
Recent entries:
At The End of Myself - 2018-04-01
Grateful, Exhausted, Lost - 2018-03-10
Orange County - 2018-03-08
The first two weeks - 2018-02-25
Still in Denver, but the trip has begun - 2018-02-11
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