This I suppose is the third part of a sort of trilogy. You can read my last two diaries if you want to see the long and needless version.
Here's a nice "previously on" for those who don't want to read that much:
I re-entered the world of online dating.
I met a woman. She seemed totally awesome.
We wrote beautiful words to each other.
She basically begged to meet me.
But when she did, she seemed a little distant.
I freaked out a lot.
I then decided to be vulnerable and tell her how I felt.
She said I was fine and she liked that I was honest and she was totally still interested. I thought things might be working out for ole' Papo T. Clown.
SPOILER ALERT: they didn't.
I believe the kids call it "ghosting" when the person you are dating just stops texting back or answering your phone.
The other day, I heard the rather delightful phrase "Irish Exit" for the first time. That is typically when you leave a party without telling anyone or saying goodbye. When I heard it was applied to someone doing that in a romantic relationship.
Ironically, I heard that phrase from the woman who is doing that exact thing to me right now.
I only met this person once and we only talked for a few days beforehand. I don't think she owes me anything.
But it does make me feel self-conscious, especially about my looks. I was very much myself when I wrote to her and feel like I was the same self when we met.
It's as if my words won the battle, but my face lost the war.
I do feel some solace with the way she ended things though.
I want to date someone who has the maturity and empathy to tell me directly that they just aren't feeling it with me.
The fact that she just stopped talking to me makes me know that she wasn't the one.
Well, I guess obviously she wasn't the one if she stopped talking to me, but I think you know what I mean.
She's not the kind of girl you fight to get back.
I do hate that it sometimes feels like I am the only person in the world that has to completely work out their issues before I can be loved.
Everyone else just seem to fall in love with people. They both have issues and sometimes work through them and are sometimes miserable. But they still have someone. They are still wanted.
I haven't felt wanted in a very long time.
I keep working on myself and my issues in the hope that someday I will be wanted.
It feels like a foolish enterprise.
I honestly just don't get it.
Why does nobody want me?
10:52 p.m. - 2016-08-20
Recent entries:
Fuck - 2016-09-06
Attractive - 2016-08-30
Cercle de la Mort - 2016-08-28
Truth (A Poem) - 2016-08-25
I honestly don't know if I am making sense - 2016-08-24
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