I just Googled:
"best movies to watch when you're lonely".
I need to get out more. Really. I am way too much of a hermit right now.
I kind of feel disconnected from everyone. I feel like my little band of people I talk to regularly have all drifted away.
My best friend Mike has gone kind of off the deep end. He has self-diagnosed himself as manic-depressive and is deliberately throwing himself into the mania. He says that he controls it, but it doesn't seem that way to me. He's getting drunk every night and doing everything in his power to have cheap meaningless sex.
I think it's because he is feeling unmoored. He has spent years preparing to be an elementary school teacher but was then fired a few months ago during his second year teaching. He has no idea what he wants out of life now or what kind of career to pursue.
So he embraces chaos. He steps into the whirlwind. It certainly looks dangerous and destructive to me.
But what do I know? I never leave my house.
Needless to say he and I haven't really connected in a while.
He comes to me occasionally and asks for my opinion on his life and, for better or worse, I give it to him.
Then he goes out to stay up all night with his fun friends who have money and don't have to get up early for coffee shop jobs.
And that is more or less the only social interaction I am getting right now.
I went on a few bad dates and I talk to my co-workers while at work, but other than that, I have been all alone for about three weeks now.
I am alone so much that sometimes I forget what I am like. Time blurs together. Nothing at all matters.
I don't really know what to do about it.
But I am going to try this:
Instead of watching My Girl—which was inexplicably the number one movie to watch when you're lonely on three of the lists that I read—I am going to put some clothes on and go for a walk.
I am going to try to talk to someone. Anyone. It doesn't matter who.
I will sit at a bar by myself and drink a beer. I will see what happens. I will allow myself to have fun. I will ask a girl to dance. We will talk and flirt. I will ask for her number. She will give it to me. I will ask if I can walk her home. She will say yes. I will kiss her when she least expects it. She will kiss me back. She will invite me in. We will see each other again.
Oh, who the fuck am I kidding?
My Girl it is.
But first, I will watch
9:57 p.m. - 2016-05-30
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