Everything has changed.
I think that might be a big reason why I haven't written on here all that much these last few months.
Diaryland is a place for me to vent my deepest, darkest, most depressed feelings. It's where I go when I'm sad.
And these last few months, I just haven't been all that sad.
Shit, I have even experienced some moments of real, honest to god joy.
Nothing situational or circumstantial has changed. If anything, things are worse.
I'm broke.
I'm in constant physical pain.
Always exhausted.
Still single.
Still widely unsure of my future.
and yet...
and yet...
What's different is more than just a feeling.
I have plenty of bad days, plenty of days where I am in a shitty mood and the world has gone to shit.
So it's not that I am never sad or depressed or frustrated.
It's just that it no longer feels like that's all that I am.
Meaning this:
I have learned to value myself just as I am.
I cherish and love myself and every one of my little quirks.
I accept everything about where I am.
It's a weird and fantastic feeling.
I'm telling you mindfulness works like nothing else has worked for me.
The Wisdom of Insecurity by Alan Watts.
Read it. It has really helped me.
I feel like a completely different person then the one who was writing on here even this January.
I really hope it lasts.
8:03 p.m. - 2015-04-27
Recent entries:
Job Stuff - 2015-07-30
Two - 2015-07-25
- - 2015-07-21
Why I am a church historian - 2015-07-14
Now - 2015-05-07
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