I have been using the word "lonely" a lot to describe how I have been feeling.
But considering that I have had social engagements every night this week,
and there are a lot of people who kind of adore me and want me to hang out with them,
and I have plenty of just solid friendships, perhaps even an over-abundance of them.
"Lonely" doesn't seem like the right word.
No, I think the word I am looking for is "horny."
It's a word I never use, and would never say out loud, but that is really where I am.
I want to fuck and be fucked.
I want nails down my back
I want that distinctive taste in my mouth.
I want that naked state of vulnerability and pure beingness.
I want naked cuddling and caresses.
It's been two months since I've had sex.
Probably eight months since I've had good sex.
Yes, I think that is what I have been longing for.
Of course just recognizing that doesn't change anything.
I am still alone in my room on a Saturday night.
But at least I have a better word and a more focused vision for what it is that I want.
I guess that's something.
9:39 p.m. - 2014-12-20
Recent entries:
Catch up - 2015-02-20
Anniversary - 2015-01-15
La Vie Est Belle - 2015-01-14
Newness - 2015-01-05
New Year - 2014-12-31
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