I had sex with a woman that I just met last night.
An OkCupid date. I found out her name while en route to the pub.
We talked literature and movies and even a little church history.
Intelligence turns me on more than anything and she was very intelligent.
We went back to her place.
I won't go into all the details.
But I will say that she snored and talked in her sleep and had a cat that kept sitting on my head as I tried to doze off.
I did not get much rest.
Other than that, we had a great time.
I don't know if I'll call her again.
I don't know if she wants me to.
This modern world we live in, I can never tell when something is a hook up and when it is something more.
I suppose that's up to me to decide. I don't trust myself to make that decision.
This afternoon, all the guilt and shame set in.
I felt like a degenerate; a drunken womanizer; a sinner.
I became desperate to be absolved of my shame. I almost even prayed for a second.
I know that it's wrong to think of your body as sinful and wrong and to be afraid and ashamed of things like sex.
At the same time, I have friends who are swingers and once had sex with Ron Jeremy at a porn convention. I'm not sure I want to be those people either.
I want to live somewhere between those two extremes.
Neither the virgin, nor the whore.
I don't know.
Maybe both extremes are okay and whatever it is that I am doing is okay.
Maybe it's fine to be a little out of control sometimes.
I just need to stop thinking so damn much.
Is that even possible?
2:15 a.m. - 2014-09-20
Recent entries:
Awake in My Tiny Cage - 2014-11-03
God. - 2014-10-27
I remember me. - 2014-10-17
The Paper - 2014-10-13
A Post About Not Doing Anything - 2014-10-12
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