I arrived at the hospital at 6:30 this morning for the procedure to dilate my esophagus and allow me to eat solid foods.
The procedure was last about an hour.
However, it is now 7:30 at night and I am just now getting home from the hospital.
There were complications.
Upon waking from the anesthesia, the doctors found that my heard was beating irregularly.
They ordered an EKG. They didn't like the results.
An ambulance took me around the block to the ER.
And then 12 hours full of cardiologists, tests, and waiting. So much waiting.
Long story short, I may have an irregular heart beat.
This would be, of course, in addition to the constant chronic pain, the nearly constant nausea, the fatigue, the allergies, and so forth and so on.
Nothing on my body works right.
(Well, almost nothing. Thank God I can have sex. It is literally the only physical joy I have.)
Tonight, I am frustrated and despondent.
I just want to be well.
On Facebook, everyone is telling me that they are praying for me.
Well, friends, God is not interested in healing me.
It's been 32 years, I think it is safe to assume that fact.
He may have some purpose for me, some way to use my suffering to help others, but I can't foresee a time in my future (near or distant) when I will actually feel good.
This seems to be my lot.
I will now hold my head up and bear it with dignity.
7:25 p.m. - 2013-01-29
Recent entries:
Awake in My Tiny Cage - 2014-11-03
God. - 2014-10-27
I remember me. - 2014-10-17
The Paper - 2014-10-13
A Post About Not Doing Anything - 2014-10-12
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