In my last post, I wrote small letters to all the possible incarnations of my future wife.
In one of which, I mentioned that I hoped she had practiced being good at sex.
My new good internet friend tobehis asked me if it really didn't bother me knowing that my future wife has been sleeping around.
And the truth is, it doesn't bother me at all.
Throughout written history there has existed a double standard concerning women and their sexuality.
Good women--the kind that you marry--have always been expected to be pure and innocent. Some cultures have even go as far as performing a test on the wedding night to ensure that the bride was indeed a virgin. In the Hebrew culture, for instance, the husband was expected to bring out a blood stained sheet to prove that his new bride was indeed undefiled.
And if she wasn't a virgin? Well, that varies from culture to culture too. But it was never good.
Men, on the other hand, were actually expected to be sexually experienced. Fathers used to take their young sons to prostitutes as a right of passage. It was just what men did.
And though we in our culture have become modern and civilized in many ways, I found this double standard to still be in existence.
There are the girls you sleep with and the girls you marry.
And many men insist that there be no correlation between the two.
So women are still raised to be "pure." To deny their own healthy biological desires to retain their value to a husband who may or may not be so concerned with his own sexual purity.
But for me though, I want my wife to be a whole and complete person.
I want her to have her own dreams and passions and to actively be working on fulfilling those things.
I don't believe that my wife will exist for me and my pleasure, rather we will exist for each other.
And I think sex plays a big part in discovering one's identity.
I am by no means advocating for "free love" or that will all just shirk all responsibility and hump everything that moves.
But I am advocating for sexual wholeness.
I completely respect those who have (and who are) saved themselves for marriage. Just as long as that it is an informed and well-thought out individual decision; an honest act of dedication to God or whatever else.
I have a problem with it when that choice is based on fear and repression.
Women's sexuality is amazing and probably the most beautiful thing I've ever had the honor to experience. I want for my future wife (as well as all women) to be able to realize that. To not consider their bodies or their desires as dirty or shameful, but to relish the pleasures that our bodies were created for.
So whatever path my future wife takes to get to me. Whatever experiences--good and bad--that shape her into who she is, I will be grateful for.
For she will fall into my arms, and wedding bed, a complete and whole person surrendering wholly to me.
As I will fall into her arms completely given to her.
And the past will no longer matter save as a prologue for the rest of our lives.
11:26 a.m. - 2012-11-20
Recent entries:
Awake in My Tiny Cage - 2014-11-03
God. - 2014-10-27
I remember me. - 2014-10-17
The Paper - 2014-10-13
A Post About Not Doing Anything - 2014-10-12
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