When I was younger--I want to say late teens, early twenties--I used to keep a journal full of letters for my future wife.
They were full of questions about what was happening in her life at that specific point in time. Sometimes there were prayers for her. Sometimes confessions of my own lusts and shortcomings.
Behind this idea was the much greater idea that all of my life was predetermined and was falling into step of some greater plan.
God knew who I was going to marry and would orchestrate both of our lives to bring us together.
Now I am closing in on 32 and am very much alone in my apartment.
Many people have told me that I have "ran away from God" or that I am acting in rebellion towards his plan.
This, of course, may be true. It may also be true that this is all a part of said plan.
More than likely though, that plan never really existed.
But just in case it was the first thing, where God had a plan but I screwed it up by asking questions and getting all "doubtey," I would just like to say to whomever it was that I was supposed to marry:
Hey, baby.
Sorry that I lost my faith in God. I hope you found someone else. Hopefully someone a little bit stronger.
And in the instance that it was the second thing, where this has all actually been a part of God's plan and He will someday bring me to the person that he's been preparing me for:
Hi, sweetheart.
I've been really practicing sex a lot for you. I kind of hope you have been too. Though if you are a virgin, I promise I won't judge you if you don't judge me.
And if there is no plan, if this is all up to me then I will say:
Dear whoever eventually chooses me,
I am doing my best to be worthy of you. To not just wait around for love but to work hard to be the person you've been waiting for.
I know that you will have done the same thing, for I would not choose you otherwise.
I will give myself over completely.
And you will give yourself back.
And thus, we will both be returned to ourselves as part of our mutual possession.
It will be awesome.
But until then, I am just probably going to keep practicing being good at sex.
5:51 p.m. - 2012-11-18
Recent entries:
Awake in My Tiny Cage - 2014-11-03
God. - 2014-10-27
I remember me. - 2014-10-17
The Paper - 2014-10-13
A Post About Not Doing Anything - 2014-10-12
My profile
Archives
Notes
Diaryland
Random
RSS
others:
i-lost-sarah
aryssa90
newschick
stardumb
hexes
gonzoprophet
meffinmisfit
cybers1ut
the-grey-one
movingsands
dangerspouse
unowhatilike
silverluna
elusive-you
tobehis
kenny-loo
brothasistas
my-rant
is-life
godsintimate
ruby--sky
creme-egg
darkly-blue
reevo
similar
dooki
dagkyo
obijuan
buddyboy5
u2october
nudeplatypus
mojo1915
baby--girl
cindylou03
alwaysinhim
greenstar7
krunkjazz
dudemanflab
spittingame