So there is this new girl at work.
Cute.
Great eyes.
Literally laughs uproariously at every word that comes out of my mouth.
The other girls I work with tell me that she has some major crush on me. Has been asking whether I'm single and so forth.
I haven't been all too interested in dating due to all my recent issues and the fact that I am in the middle of a nervous breakdown, but she is cute. And seems genuinely kind and wonderful. So I asked her out.
Hell, I could use a little break from all the stress and anxiety that I've been suffering from.
I could certainly use the endorphins, dopamine and norepinephrine that are released in the brain during a good make out session.
And to put that in a less nerdy way, I could really benefit from getting laid.
So I ask her out. She says yes. I suggest a movie (because I am not feeling super creative like I normally would be with first dates), she suggests a surprise.
"There is this thing that I want to take you to." She says. "I really enjoyed it when I went before and I think it can be super fun."
Sweet. I love surprises.
On the way there this evening, I kept making jokes about what it could possibly be that we are going to.
"Is this some kind of occult thing?"
"Are we going to be washing the elderly?"
"Is this an orgy? It's an orgy isn't it? Please tell me it's an orgy."
As we pulled up to the apartment complex, I made my last joke:
"Is this some kind of Amway type pyramid scheme?"
I said it as a joke. Because who takes a date to a pyramid scheme sales pitch? That would just be absurd.
Well, guess fucking what?
I'm not going to go into the details of what the sales pitch was or how everyone there had a faux hawk and about three gallons of steroids pumping into their veins.
I'm not going to mention how all these tanned, fist-pumping, cool kids are all going as "nerds" for Halloween (I told them all I was going as a sexy Mitt Romney).
I'm just going to jump to the end. After she has driven me home and she grilled me on the pros and cons ("How about I just start with the cons?" I said.).
After she told me that she 1.Has never even heard of "Back to the Future" and 2."Doesn't like movies."
"Wait, at all?"
"At all."
We get to my apartment.
"Jack Kerouac used to live here."
"Who?"
"Have a good night."
I didn't even get to make out! Not even a fucking hug.
Jesus. And I am actually not saying that name in vain right now. Jesus, please give me a fucking break.
I just want one little win. Just something.
Anything.
I'd even settle for a clever way to end this story.
But nope, I don't have even that.
9:52 p.m. - 2012-10-25
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